It's Not Funny
by usamamo98
Summary: Ash's taste in clothing for their infant son isn't funny to Misty. At all.


Edited Note: I decided to re-upload this one story, but have no intention of re-uploading my other two. Since this was my most popular story I would preserve it just for the fans it gave me, of which I am very grateful. I very well may write more stories in the future in different fandoms, so keep an eye open. End Edited Note:

Original Note: Anyway, two stories posted in one day? Aren't I a special snowflake with a knack for churning out fanfiction? Well, no, not really. This is yet another old story I've had sitting around on my desktop for about a year, maybe slightly longer that I was afraid to post until now.

The story behind the story is that I saw some of these shirts at a baby store while shopping with a (at the time) heavily pregnant friend of mine. I got a little inspired and wrote this in the span of about an hour or something - I dunno, I remember writing it very quickly so I can't promise it's that great in quality, pacing ect...

Regardless I hope you enjoy and please leave a review as well. Thank you in advance.

Oh and P.S.: I've now learned that Pokémon Origins really blew a hole in my theory that Red is closely related to Ash, but whatever, I'm still rolling with it in this story at least.

* * *

Misty Ketchum knew without a single, solitary doubt in her mind that no matter what her little fat butterball donned he would look beyond cute. Be it nothing more than a diaper, or a fuzzy bear suit or cute little denim overalls the infant always looked absolutely adorable. His red eyes looked exceptional when complimented with different shades of whites she learned and his slowly growing black locks made him look even more charming.

"You look _so_ cute!" She cooed to the three week old for the fifteenth time that morning. Her affection was received with several joyous gurgles as little fist tried to grab her shirt. "You are going to have fun today. You are going to spend a day with daddy," she told him as she bounced him slightly.

Today would be the first day she'd be separated from her son since she had given birth to him. Though the separation would be no longer than a couple of hours at most, Misty found her heart begin to clench at the thought of being away from him. Not wanting to break down and start crying (as she was still very emotional; damn hormones) in front of her tiny son, which would certainly send him in a crying tirade of his own, she forced a smile and cheerfully spoke to him like always.

"I promise I'll bring him back." Ash's amused voice brought her out of her deep concentration of fighting away tears. "You've been sitting there for ten minutes staring at him like it's the last time you'll ever see him again."

"Pika," the small electric rodent agreed with his master with a small nod.

Misty greeted her husband and Pikachu with a weak smile as she handed the small infant who was dressed in blue to his father. "It just weird," she commented absently as her gaze stayed locked on her son.

"It will only be for a little while. Just long enough to get some things." Ash told her again. "You can come too if you want..."

Misty gave him a genuine smile but shook her head. "No. I need the break, really. I haven't got any sleep in the past couple of days." She rubbed her tired eyes and yawned. "Just make sure you feed him when he's hungry." She found herself stating an obvious fact which made Ash laugh.

"Really? I thought I'd let him starve." He quipped with amusement.

"Don't try to be funny." Misty told him sternly with all the concern of a mother and Pikachu admonished as well with a whack from his tail and a disgruntled '_Chu_'.

"I'm sorry, I know I'm horrible at it." He agreed as he grabbed the baby bag and made his way to the door. The small infant making delighted baby noises with every step his father took.

Pikachu climbed onto Ash's shoulder to get a better look at the still very new and interesting baby. "Pika," he cooed as the baby giggled and reached up trying his best to grab pointy yellow ears.

"And-and don't take your eyes off of him for a minute! You never know what could happen. And don't give him any sugar, it's not good for a baby. Oh, and for the love of Arceus don't lose that plush Blitzle!" Misty pointed to the striped toy's that stuck out the back of the baby bag. "I did that once and he was cranky the rest of the day! I had to go looking for it for hours!" Ash opened the front door and nodded to his wife a bit exasperated with all of her advice. "Oh! And if he-" She was unable to finish before Ash quickly exited and shut the door behind him.

Nimble fingers drummed on the magazine cover impatiently as her green-blue eyes stayed glued to the clock. It had only been forty five minutes and she already found herself an emotional wreck. Horrible scenarios ran through her mind. What if they had got in a car crash? What if Red was choking? What if Ash had forgotten all about their son at the sight of some exhilarating Pokébattle being broadcast on the TV screens at the mall? Well the last one was a bit far-fetched but Misty had seen her husband drift off into Pokémaster-land at the sight of a good battle, completely forgetting about everyone else in the process. At least she didn't have to worry about Ash being involved in a battle himself, Pikachu, to her knowledge, was the only Pokémon he taken with him and the electric rodent had long since stop battling to enjoy a leisurely retirement in his old age.

Speaking of Pikachu, the mouse-like Pokémon was a voice of reason and would surely try to keep Red safe, and this comforted her a bit. But then again not even a well meaning, super protective and reasonable Pikachu could protect her son from a determined Ash Ketchum if he digressed to being his ten-year old self again.

She covered her ears with her hands in an attempt to block out all the thoughts. "UGH! I'll never seen my baby again!" She found herself wailing. "He's probably on a ship to Sevii Islands to work in some sweat shop that makes crummy Pokédexes while his father ogles a battle between Ponyta and Totodile!"

Before she was able to imagine more Misty heard her distinct ringtone. Clumsily she pulled out the sleek phone and pressed talk without even checking to see who it was. She had no doubt it was Ash calling her to tell her their son was caught in a burning building. "Hello, and I swear to _God_ Ash if Red is - "

"Eh...Misty?" She heard a female voice on the other end ask tentatively.

"Iris?" Cilan's better half rarely called her so she was instantly interested. For a brief second she forgot about her turmoil. "What's up?"

"Nothing." The slightly younger woman stated simply and sweetly. "I'm calling because Ryden's fourth birthday is coming up in two weeks," Iris, unknowingly, with the mention of her own son sent Misty on another worrying spree about hers. "And I'd love it if you and Ash and Red would come to the party. I talked to May earlier and she's going to bring her kids and try to grapple Drew into coming. No word yet from Dawn or the others, but I'm working on it." When she heard no reply from Misty, the purple haired woman on the other end of the phone got a little concerned. "Mist...?" She called out on the phone. "Are you there Mist?"

"Yeah, I'm here." A less than chipper Misty sounded. If Iris was thinking about saying anything Misty quickly cut her off. "We'll come seeing that my son isn't being torn to bits by wild and rabid Arcanines and I don't kill my husband for letting said event happen first."

A moment passed and Misty heard nothing from the other line. No doubt Iris was running over her odd words once more in her head. "Misty...what are you talking about?"

Misty quickly explained what type of situation she was in and then explained why she had all the good reason to be worried. "I was supposed to rest today, but I just can't." She rubbed her temples."I can't sleep when my baby could, at this very moment, be playing in lava." She heard Iris laugh and frowned. "It's _not_ funny."

"Yes it is." Iris countered. "I was worried about the same thing when Cilan took Ryden out for their first 'boys day out'." She recalled."Well, maybe not the exact same thing," she added after a moment of thought. "Anyway, I had put it off for months but finally Cilan pried him away from me. I just knew if my boy came back at all he'd come back with a missing limb or eye or something. But he didn't," Iris added, "I spent hours worrying only to have my baby boy delivered back to me unscratched. I think Cilan was hurt that I didn't trust him, though he never would admit it. Anyway what I'm trying to say Mist is that there are only two people that Red are in good hands with and he is currently with one of them. Don't worry, you'll see."

Eased a bit by Iris's words, her being the more experienced mother and all, Misty found her way to the large bed she shared with Ash. With a small smile she snuggled under the covers and closed her eyes, intent on getting a good nap before her two boys arrived home. She also reassured herself of how fatherly Ash actually was. The young man had taken care of her so many times in the past she was sure he could manage with their infant son. Still Misty made sure to have one of her Pokéballs in which Gyarados slumbered nearby the bed just in case Ash tipped toed in only to announce he had lost their son and Misty had to summon someone to eat the dark haired man.

"Hmm...didn't really think your mother would be asleep," Ash noted to his small child as he peered into the master bedroom at the sleeping woman in bed. He was much more expecting her to be pacing the floor upon his return. He shrugged at his wife unpredictable ways and walked over into the living room where several bags sat on the couch along with a joyous ketchup eating Pikachu who was humming with contentment. Placing his son on the blue living room couch next to his best pal, he reached into one bag and pulled out several small shirts.

With a smirk he glanced at the shirts before he looked at his son. "I know you are tired of having your mother dress you up in those ridiculous bear outfits, these will look dashing on you!"

She didn't want to. Arceus knows she didn't want to but Ash insisted and in the end she relented. When Iris saw the two of them walked into her son's birthday party, baby in hand, she immediately starting laughing. Misty shot Ash a hot glare and Ash sent her back a cheeky smile.

"Misty..." Iris' warmly greeted as she glanced once more at the infants shirt. "Let me guess. Ash bought it?"

Misty nodded solemnly before she glanced over at where her husband was standing with their Max and his daughter, Cecilia. "Yeah. He bought a lot of ones like this." She gestured to her son who had a bright red shirt with words on it that read out _Are you my daddy_? "Today it was between this one,_ I can kick your baby's ass_, _Mommy drinks because I cry_,_ I cry when ugly people hold me_, _I drink until I pass out like my daddy_ and Ash's favorite_ All mommy wanted was dinner and a date._" Misty explained with an exasperated sigh. "He got some others too, but I can't remember what they said."

Iris smiled at her. "Well I said your baby would come home safe and sound, but I said nothing about his father buying him bizarre clothes." As she spoke a small purple haired, green eyed toddler ran past her to Cilan's open arms with a blue baseball cape that read _Papa's Little Tax Deduction_.

As Iris walked over to her son and husband, Misty gazed down at her half asleep son. She had to admit her son looked adorable in everything, even in shirts that proclaimed in bold, white letters _I'm going to need lots of therapy_.


End file.
